We need a resolution

Every year around this time we do it... we pledge to lose weight, leave dead weight behind, or maybe get our weight up for the future. I use weight because that's what I'm struggling with this New Year, not so much weight but wait. I've never been a patient person. I've actually probably been called a whole slew of adjectives and I would bet money that patient is just not one of them. In fact one of my favorite quotes is, "No one ever got anywhere, by waiting," Don't know who said but I like it. And with that mantra, I've always been a go-getter type of person..."What the hell are you waiting for..." Great song Jay-Z, Great Song, that's my question, what am I waiting for. I think my whole life I've always been looking forward to my careeer. Sounds crazy, but I've been looking forward to working, and working hard for a very long time now. But now I find myself in this odd place. This time last year, I was heading back to Atlanta for my last semester in college. I had been working out everyday, (in anticipation of Spring Break) and I was looking good, I had a fresh hair cut, and a renewed sense of spirituality and excitement. I went back to party, and party hard. Starting with f**ked up Fridays at my house, etc, etc. I was happy. SO HAPPY. Even when I was stressed out about something to be so honest, I was really really happy. But 2005, took it's toll on me, and some serious months later, I was ready to run out of Atlanta, away from Spelman College, and pretty much all things assoicated with it. And silly me, I ran straight in to work. Not a week after graduation I was in New York, desperately searching to find a job, to start my career. No time to waste, I thought, it starts now. Those two and a half months I was jobless almost killed me. But sure enough, I found it. My dream job, I thought. I took it without hesitation. This is it, this is the beginning of my career, what I've been waiting for, for all of this time.

But now...

All I can think is, is this the end? I was so sure I was ready to be a grown up, ready to work, to take over the world, to become the most succesful 26 year old EVER ( and I mean that with all sincerity) that I might have thought myself a bit more mature than I really am. Because really, I just turned 22, and for the first time in my life I can honestly say, that what I really want to do, is just take a break, travel the world, and do Nothing. Not nothing as in sleep the day away, but nothing as in nothing that requires a deadline, an intense amount of stress, or committment. I just want to explore people, places, ideas, objects. I just want to float around for a while. But for me, that's totally unacceptable. I've always looked down on people who weren't making things happen right away, I've turned my nose up at people who "take years off" I've made it unacceptable for myself to just stop sometimes, and take a break. But in the back of my mind, the pressure is still on, the race is still on, I'm chasing myself to success, and if I keep up, I might beat myself to it.

So...

What's my new year's resolution? I don't have one. For the first time ever, I don't have a list full of goals that I'd like to strive to or achieve. I just don't. And so I guess I need to resolve myself to being ok with that.